Before we embarked on our particular journey a couple of people had mentioned to me how, as dads, they’d found an in-built assumption of many people in the health profession that the male half of the partnership were largely useless, uninterested and incompetent. Now, much as I’m willing to admit my faults (some more easily than others!) it has been interesting to find out just how annoying this assumption can be.
Firstly, and as mentioned in a previous post, a lot of the ‘dad to be’ books I’ve picked off shelves and seen online do it. They’re purpose seems to be to try and make the disinterested interested, to convert the unconverted to a new way of life that they’re working hard to resist. I’m sure there are dads out there to whom this applies…market forces would suggest there must be. But some of us are actually quite excited and, dare I say it, want to be involved.
So it’s been a bit of a disappointment that the assumption of most health professionals you meet is similar. There’s something nicely reassuring about the experienced, seen-it-all-before midwife that puts you at ease. But also seems to lead to a cynicism on their part about the male half of the partnership. Clearly it’s difficult for me to judge – they’ve been through far more pregnancies than I ever have done or ever plan to. And maybe geography has an influence…maybe dads round here are less interested…but it’d be a shame to work on that assumption.
Obviously the priority has to be the mum and the bean…and my reaction has simply been to ask more, chat more, and investigate more so I feel well prepared to demonstrate my interest. So maybe it’s actually a good tactic to spur me on to find out more. But it would be great to think that we’ve left behind the assumption that the man just ain’t interested…and I’m not so sure we have yet.